13 September 2019
Issues in the bedroom are common. Being a sexologist, people open up to me about what’s going on in their bedrooms, even random people I meet in my day to day life.
I don’t get people coming to me telling me how amazing their sex life is, it’s rather a complaint, a desire to improve or wanting tips for a better sex life. But instead of a quick fix, first my suggestions involve communication. But, here they are, possibly telling a stranger about their sex life and what they want when they have never told the person or people they are having sex with what they tell me.
There are lots of tips, tricks and products that can be provided for bedroom bliss, but there is one important thing that has the possibility to solve or at least start to solve bedroom issues, and that’s communication.
Have you ever noticed when people talk about sex, their voice gets softer? Even I sometimes am guilty of this. We have been taught for so long that talking about sex is private and even sometimes taboo. As adults when discussing sex, there can still be these left over subconscious feeling of shame and guilt, even when in a relationship.
One area in particular to do with sex that many find difficult to discuss is erectile dysfunction. As a society, we deliver men so much pressure for their penis to work and work the “right” way. But, you also need to question what the right way is and if that supposed “right” has been influenced too much by porn. But, it’s not just about sex and not just about a penis, but someone’s sexual self-confidence, self-esteem and even mental health that are at play.
Sex with erectile dysfunction can be a real challenge but it doesn’t have to remain that way. Some people place sex as a niche subject, this thing that might be fun but is not always a necessity. But part of the issues to do with sex is recognising that sex is important to most people and we should be focusing on it more and talking more when there is a problem, not secretly pushing it off to the side.
There are many things that can cause ED. These can be anything from cancer treatments, diabetes, heart and blood pressure issues, lifestyle factors such as weight and smoking, hormonal problems, depression and anxiety.
But there is also the flow on effect that isn’t always spoken about. If someone is feeling self-conscious about their sexual performance, they might pull away from a partner out of insecurity and embarrassment causing a disconnect. They might shut down which only makes the other person feel left out. Erectile dysfunction effects more than one person in a relationship. This can cause a multitude of relationship issues if the real issues are not discussed. Some might just think it’s a penis problem and have a giggle, but the flow on effect can be larger than that and the impact on someone’s life is not just so straight forward as an issue with an erection.
Because there are multiple causes, there are also multiple solutions and treatments as well. But the first part of the journey is to talk about what’s going on.
There are three useful ways to address this. Either you can rip off the band aid, get straight into the embarrassing and awkward and then focus on a solution, use a catalyst to launch into the conversation or be subtler with suggestions of websites to in order to investigate the topic further. There is never going to be a one size fits all approach and nor should there be. We are all different, we function differently and with something such as ED, there are different reasons as to why it might occur. How we discuss sex and issues in the bedroom, needs to be a tailor-made approach, but the key is to start talking about it whatever way you can. Most people have some level of embarrassment when it comes to discussing sex, so at least find some solace in the fact that awkwardness is a common theme.
Once you have broached the subject within your relationship, the next part of communication is seeking help. One of the greatest tech advantages we have had for sexual issues and in particular things such as ED, is the growth of the telehealth industry. If discussing your sexual issues is embarrassing or awkward with a partner, then with a medical professional the embarrassment is what stops many from reaching out for assistance. But, when that person is on line and you have the distance of a screen, that embarrassment and awkwardness can feel minimised.
Mosh even have a free erectile dysfunction consult available, so there aren’t really any excuses not to reach out.
Sexual issues are never going to be completely comfortable to talk about or without embarrassment. But I only wish more people knew that there are solutions, treatment and even medications available. You don’t have to suffer in silence, you don’t have to keep going with this pink elephant in the bedroom and in your relationship. But the first step starts with talking about it, and if you can just get to that point, the path to finding a solution might only be a few clicks away.