14 July 2019
There’s nothing worse than reaching the finish line right after getting started. You want to have an intense, lingering experience with your partner, but sometimes your body gets ahead of itself.
“Premature ejaculation is more common than most people think,” says Andrew C. Kramer, MD, a urologist and surgeon at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore. “It can cause distress and emotional and psychological issues as well as self-esteem problems.”
Premature ejaculation is tough to define. Some men think they have PE because the climax in 5-10 minutes of penetrative sex. Others finish in 30 seconds. Both are right. PE is when you ejaculate before you want it to happen, or if you’re unable to stop or delay an orgasm.
In this article, we’d like to go over some strategies to help you cope with premature ejaculation. These techniques will help you have fulfilling sex that doesn’t end too quickly.
It’s important to talk with your partner about your premature ejaculation. Download these tips to have a healthy and productive conversation.
Honestly, this is one of the easiest ways to cope with PE. Just let your climax happen, laugh it off with your partner, and gear up for round two. Most people don’t care that much anyway.
Every guy has a refractory period before he can finish again, but that’s the perfect opportunity to focus on your partner’s experience for a little bit. Once you’re ready for another go, it will take you substantially longer to climax again.
The best part about this approach is that there’s no anxiety. There’s no holding back or squeezing your muscles or using condoms or creams. You get maximum enjoyment out of sex. And who knows? Taking pressure out of the situation may be just what you need to hold off that first orgasm.
This method is also called edging. It’s when you have sex until you’re close to orgasm, then stop and cool off for a while. You can engage in other activities in the meantime, but resist any sensation to your penis. This is a great opportunity to focus on your partner for a bit.
This technique is a great way to extend sex and make sure your partner has a satisfying experience as well, but it’s also a way to train yourself to last longer. Over time you’ll get better at holding off ejaculation.
Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can have a surprisingly big impact on your ability to hold off a climax. A 2014 Therapeutic Advances in Urology study discovered that strong muscles can improve your ability to delay an orgasm, even when you don’t activate the muscle group.
Your pelvic floor muscles are the ones you use to stop yourself from urinating or passing gas. You can strengthen them by clenching and holding for three seconds. Do this ten times, then rest for a while. Perform this routine three times per day. Gradually increase how long you hold the clench.
Condoms are tough for some guys because they limit sensitivity, but that’s actually a bonus for fellows who struggle with premature ejaculation. Wearing a condom can lighten the experience enough for you to last longer before finishing.
In fact, some condom brands make special climax control versions. These condoms are made from thicker materials or contain light numbing agents on the inside to limit sensitivity.
One way to stop premature ejaculation is to physically stop yourself just before you finish. When you feel the urge to ejaculate, stop having sex and squeeze the end of your penis just beneath the head. Hold for several seconds until your body no longer wants to climax. You (or your partner) can repeat this as much as necessary. It also helps train you to hold back.
Topical numbing creams like lidocaine spray can desensitize your penis. You’ll feel less during sex, which will delay how quickly you get to the finish line. Apply it 10-15 minutes before having sex.
This is similar to the “get the first one out of the way” approach, but you do it alone. If you’re worried that you’ll finish too quickly in the bedroom, handle your business by yourself before sex. The release will make you less likely to orgasm quickly during penetrative or oral sex.
This may seem to run counter to our last strategy, but hear us out.
Like most guys, you probably rush right to the end when you masturbate. There’s no one else to please, so why wait, right? But this can train your body to reach the finish line as fast as possible.
If you limit your climaxes to only the sex you have with your partner, you may grow accustomed to the slow climb toward orgasm. This will teach you to enjoy the whole experience, rather than the final moment.
There’s some research that shows a connection between zinc deficiency and sexual dysfunction in men. One study found that zinc increases testosterone levels in rats. Take about 11 milligrams of zinc per day, but no more. Too much zinc can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and kidney and stomach damage.
Zinc offers a number of benefits for men, so it should be part of your daily regimen anyway.
This one seems counterintuitive, but it can actually work. Have a conversation with your partner about your premature ejactualtion and agree to avoid penetrative sex for a while. Focus on other kinds of sex that don’t cause you to climax quickly. This can help you relax and worry less about your impending orgasm.
For many guys, PE is a psychological issue that stems from marital or relationship distress, trauma, or certain childhood environments. Psychological issues should be treated psychologically, so you may find it helpful to visit a therapist.
A psychologist will help you work through your problems and give you steps of increasing sexual stimulation. If your partner is willing to help you through the therapy, it shouldn’t take too long to defeat the psychological issue.
If you can’t deal with the problem on your own, talk to a doctor about a potential medical treatment. There are various creams and sprays that might help. Your doctor might even prescribe a low-dose SSRI, which can make orgasms harder to achieve (a challenge for some people, but a good thing in your case).
Struggling with PE alone can put pressure on yourself and make the problem worse. Have an honest conversation with your partner about it so they know it’s something you want to change. In many cases, a conversation can diffuse the tension in a relationship over sexual performance, which can treat your PE.
Premature ejaculation is frustrating and embarrassing, but it’s a completely normal condition. Lots of guys complain about it. Many keep it to themselves and suffer in silence. Use the strategies we outlined above to cope with your premature ejaculation.
There’s not a one-size-fits-all solution, most guys find a PE treatment that works for them no matter what’s causing it. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, guilt, lack of serotonin, erectile dysfunction or just old fashioned relationship troubles - we’ll find the answer together.
If you still struggle with premature ejaculation, take our short quiz. A doctor will review your answers and tailor a treatment program that’s right for you.